Wednesday, November 07, 2007
The next day in The Lodge.
Honey I'm home!!! "Stop calling me honey I'm Argus." Yeah well that's not a great name either. Anyway I got us a new cooker. "But our other cooker is a week old." So this one has the best feature ever known to cooking appliances. "COOL! I'll throw the old one out." So Argus is going to throw the old one out just looking at the cooker made me make food. Hey Argus I made rice pudding! "Cool, thats rice with a hershey bar in it." Shut up you R-Tard and look at our new cooker. "It's identical to our old one." Yes, but the feature. "Which is?" It tells you the last time you cooked. "Where did you get the money for this?" Those infomercials. "And you got." Err 10,000 bucks. "FU-"
Sunday, August 19, 2007
(Jonny walks up to the financier.)
Look, Mr Financier. "Yes." When do I get my paycheck. "All of your paychecks are set to your agent, I do believe he is a Mr. Rich, Richie Rich." Err yeah he's right over there. "What that one socializing with the director?" Yes. "Then go talk to him." Alright I will. Richie how ya doin' now. "Who are you." "Look Jonny D I really think you should pi-" "This man he's the perfect man we've been looking for. Identical physique, hair color, eye color, height. Jonny D how you would you like to be a character in our new animated remake of he cartoon series-" "How can you have the identical physique for a cartoon series?" "Shut up- in the remake of Dr. N!Godatu!!!!!" There is a long pause. What in the name of hell is Dr. N!Godatu?? "I'll talk more as soon as we get there. D you want the job?" Sure.
The next day.
"Jonny D you'll get to play everyones favorites. The Carlisles, Bill Wallhead, Mr. Marsh. Oh yeah you'll also play Elaine." Right. I don't know what this show is about. "Basically it's about Dr. Janice N!Godatu voiced by Kerry Dustin from THE die hard dracula. Theres someone called Pat she somehow comes into it. Shes voiced by Stephanie Nielson from Manos: The hands of fate. Action!"
Dr. N!Godatu: Hello, as you know, I'm Dr. Janice N!Godatu. (coughs). Ah, I seem to have caught a cold. (Hitting the intercom) Elaine, call the Carlisles. There's something wrong with the Fish Tank. Tell them it's an emer(cough)gency. (looking at the fish bobbing vertically up and down) I don't think fish are supposed to do that!
Dr. N!Godatu: Oh, dear...
Elaine on intercom: Dr. N!Godatu, the Carlisles are here.
Dr. N!Godatu: Send them in Elaine.
Carlisle Bro: (coming through the door, speaking in unison) What seems to be the trouble?
Dr. N!Godatu: I'm glad you're here! Look, the fish are...
Carlisle Bro: Something is wrong with you're fish tank! That'll be $67.50! Ho, Ho, Ha, Ha, Ha!
"Thats a wrap." Yeah I'm going back to my crappy commercials.
Saturday, August 04, 2007
Thursday, March 29, 2007
"Hey Jonny D check this out!!" "Whaat is it important I'm currently coughing due to the number of cool detectives who smoke." "Look its evidence from the case you've been working on." "What case what work what evidence." "The man that was brutally murdered. You called it case poop." "Oh yeah." "Well look at this." (Jonny D stares at it.) "WHy are you looking at my face?" "I assumed when you meant look at this you meant the gravy on your face." "No look this foolish person left behind vital evidence hair!" "He can't help it if he loses hair. If he lost a pet rhino I could understand." "I'll run this hair under the DNA tester and bam it'll have the person who killed the man." "So while were waiting read any good books lately?" PING!! "Yes its done." "Bloody hell that was quick. So whos the killer? The Butler The butlers daughter." "None my popcorns done." "Oh right You can have this little test tube thingy it was in MY popcorn." "God when will he learn? THAT WAS THE DNA EVIDENCE YOU PUT THE DNA EVIDENCE IN THE MICROWAVE. NOW WE DON'T KNOW WHAT REALLY HAPPENED TO JK!" "He died?"
Friday, March 02, 2007
So where am I going. "Err the gullotine factory." AGGGGGGHHHHH. 10 minutes later so where are we going for real this time?? "Jonny D we are going to roast you!!!!" AGGGGGGGGH "By roast do you think he meant have a special ceremony for him?" "I dont think so." 20 minutes later. "Jonny D I am Ben Dover and this is your life." (All it shows is a picture of Jonny d as a baby.) Gee that didn't take long bye. 30 mins later. "No that was just Steves presentation. Steve: Ohhh that was just steves presentation.. dork. "This is I'm not an arabs presentation." Oh crap. "Jonathan D Jeffersonson." LIES ALL LIES!!! "Was born on 6/6/06/" THAT TOO! "He currently works as CEO of his own corporate crapulance." Oh thats it. You dish the dirt on me I dish dirt on you. I'm not an arab is part of the fred bassett fan club, went out with Bruce Willis and is probably mentally undressing me right now. "And so-(crackling noises) whats the matter Charlie Brown?" "Okaay. Now its Argus the tormentors presentation." "Jonnie Dee was boren on mrch twenteeeee ferd." For the love of Pete. I'll give you a presentation on me.
Jonny Ds autobiography.
08:55 a young boy was born, two minutes later so was another he was named Jonny D to continue the family name legacy. Originally he was going to be called Freddy D but the mother got to name him it was only fair she did give birth to him. Jenny D the mother remembers the word Jonny F once said. “You know what? I’m going to be pregnant so I get to have the chance to name the baby.” Mr.F called his baby Loretta. It was decided that they were to poor for one to take care of them. Jonny D was taken to live with his very disturbing uncle named we don’t know he has several identities. Jenny D was to live with her mother, and moon unit his father. Jonny D had to be taught by his uncle he would teach him the wonders of grammar and punctuation but then he ran out of ideas. So he went to
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Monday, January 29, 2007
"AHHH get away from here." "Blah blah b;ludnhhsfjkbdsfl." "Did you just say semi colon?" "NO!" I'd better get over and save that guy. "Wait you cannot kill this MAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" "Err Tommy did you cut that guys thumb off." "Errr no." "I'll take this guy to a hospital." "So whats your name kiddo and why you take me to the hospital. Because I care and that old woman might hit with a shoe." "She lives in a shoe." "I know. She could still hit me with it." "Can I come too?" "Sure why not Tommy." End of part 1